DEAD MAN WALKING

The last couple of years have been a tremendous battle for me. I have struggled with sin and fought the toughest war of my life. I am a VFW and a decorated soldier. The war that wages in the body and soul is by far a tougher and more serious battle than anything that I’ve encountered before and with eternal consequences. At times I have felt like I was at war directly with the enemy but in fact the true fight was with myself.
Drinking and gambling had become part of life. I remember justifying the first thought that lead to a trip to the gas station where I purchased beer for the first time in 10 years. With my talent I justified the gambling, with the ability to drink with little effect I justified a few drinks here and there. What had started out as a few drinks here and there turned out to be a six pack almost every night. Even though I wasn’t getting drunk, alcohol and the lifestyle that I was associating with had destroyed my ministry, strained my marriage and nearly turned me against God.
Every possible emotion from fear to raw uncontrollable rage had surfaced. Yet in the middle of it I couldn’t see that it was me. There is no one to blame. You cannot control the things that happen to you weather you are in the will of God or not, but you can control how you handle them. I was living in the flesh and facing judgment and yet my excuse was (“this is just who I am”, I’m a grown man”, I have to be true to myself”).
Needless to say having given place to the enemy I had begun to be attacked from every possible front. The fight had become too great and I was beginning to think that I was going to lose my life and my salvation. With no answers and nowhere else to turn, I believe I heard the Spirit of God say to me “If you lay down your life you will live”. Almost immediately I had the revelation that I wasn’t facing multiple battles I was facing only one, the battle against my own flesh. Somewhere along the way I picked up my life and began to live it for myself. I was bought with a price. My life is not mine to live but it for the service of God. All of a sudden the solution to all of the problems became clear; I must die so that Christ can live in me.
Years ago when I witnessed countless miracles and salvations I was a dead man walking and was experiencing life in a more beautiful way than I could have ever imagined. I saw things that most people only get to read about in books. The commitment to live in the flesh is a subtle and gradual entanglement. Before you realize what has happened you wake up one day years down the road with your life hanging by a thread. That is how the enemy destroys large ministries. When your sin reaches a panicle and becomes public, your ministry has grown and the sin not only hurts you and your family but everyone that looks to you as a leader.
My commitment is a daily one. Die to my own selfish desires and ambitions and live in the Spirit. Too God be the glory forever.
Sincerely,
A dead man walking